What’s the Dream You’re Afraid to Share?
I think many of us have had a dream we’re too afraid to say out loud, worried it might crumble under the weight of reality. We tend to have a habit of tucking our dreams away, imagining that one day, we’ll have the time, the courage, or the opportunity to bring it to life.
While dreams are deeply personal, there’s a lot of pressure to tie them to big, sweeping resolutions – especialy at the start of the year. Here’s my take:
I’ve never been much of a believer in New Year’s resolutions, they can make us feel miserable- diets are a good example, after all, January is a dark, long, cold month and deprivation of anything feels unkind.
What I find (and see), is that these kinds of ambitions are full of unnecessary stress, anxiety and feelings of inferiority. I’ve realised that when we do things without considering our well-being it often leads to burnout. We also risk setting ourselves up for failure if we measure ourselves solely on success.
Neither do I think we should set targets just because we feel obliged to but rather set small actions, ones we have decided are achievable and will contribute well to the overall goal. Celebrate each achievement step as you go along no matter how small. Each reward could be as simple as going to the pictures, treating yourself to your favourite coffee, chocolate, meal, etc, visiting a local attraction, a sleep-in, getting a manicure, or having a Netflix or film night. Keep in mind working towards our ultimate goals can be as rewarding as reaching the final destination.
Stepping Into the Unknown: My Career Change
Throughout my late 30s / early 40s, I chose to navigate a huge transition. After running a business (which was sold), I transitioned into a sales role. But deep down, I felt the pull to do something completely different. A long story cut short I leapt! I signed up at college (night school), tackled distance learning, and threw myself into voluntary work. All of this while still holding down my sales job and raising a young family.
It was far from an easy journey. There were many moments when I questioned myself, wondering if all this effort and pushing through several pain barriers would even lead to happiness. After all, there were no guarantees.
Eventually, though, I made steps into the world of learning and development. It was a new beginning – exciting, yes, but also daunting. Sometimes it felt scary (and still can be!). Financially, I was nowhere near what I’d earned before, but I was happy, thriving, and felt challenged and alive. I went on to seek out challenges at any given opportunity.
This journey of change taught me that stepping outside of what’s comfortable may not come with guarantees, but sometimes, it’s the only way to find what truly makes us come alive.
Understanding my behavioural tendencies, and raising my self-awareness helped me lean into my inner strengths to embrace the many challenges. One of the tools I utilised was Everything DiSC® ( I've since invested as an authorised partner)
More to come around another of my changes under downshifting
Jackies Story
Jackie made a similar life change. Ever since she was very young, she’d dreamt of becoming a writer She would allow herself to imagine, readers getting lost in her stories. But too afraid to share this particular dream, she kept it private
As she got older, Jackie made the decision, the kind of choice many make when thinking about paying bills and building a long-term career’ She went to university, trained, and qualified to become a dentist. A steady career, one that allowed her to help people, and on the surface it looked like she found job satisfaction. However in the evenings as things quietened down, Jackie felt a deep yearning for something more. Her dream lingered there, unspoken, but waiting for her in those quiet moments.
Jackie eventually, stopped suppressing her dreams and started taking small, consistent steps. She began writing, took classes to hone her craft, connected with other writers and eventually submitted some of her work to publishers. Has she sold a book yet? No, but she’s close – closer than she ever would have been if she’d stayed stuck on the sidelines of her own life.
And that’s the real lesson here: pursuing your dream might be difficult, but it’s nowhere near as painful as living with the regret of never trying.
So, how about you? Are you ready to stop waiting and start doing? The dream can be yours, it’s just waiting for you to bring it to life.
What’s Holding You Back?
Does any of this sound familiar? Maybe you’ve got a dream you’ve carefully buried over the years. You’ve told yourself, “I’ll travel when I retire”, “I’ll write that book when the kids are grown”, “I’ll pursue learning when I’ve saved enough money.”
But have you ever stopped to ask yourself what’s truly holding you back? What are you afraid of? Are you worried about what people might say? Do you think your friends or family wouldn’t understand? Maybe the thought of stepping out of your comfort zone just feels too overwhelming.
Fear can be sneaky like that – it convinces us that protecting the dream is safer than pursuing it. But the truth is, leaving a dream untouched doesn’t make it go away. It just makes the ache of “what if?” a little stronger every day.
What Would Your Life Look Like If You Followed That Dream?
Here’s the thing: chasing your dream will change you. Even the changes that bring us joy, fulfilment, and pride can feel uncomfortable at first. For example, the consequences of leaving a secure job and dedicating time to learning something new can feel like stepping into the unknown and quaking in our boots.
The space between where you are now and the life you want isn’t always easy to cross. From personal experience, I can confirm that it can be hard work. Undeniably there will be setbacks and self-doubt, and there will be moments when it seems easier t to give up. But on the other side of all that discomfort lies the life you’re yearning for.
But what if you let yourself imagine it for a moment? Picture the day you leave the job that no longer motivates you. Instead choosing to Imagine boarding that plane to explore the places you’ve always wanted to see. Or Visualise yourself holding that book you’ve written, or walking across a stage to collect the qualification you’ve always dreamt of achieving.
How does it feel? What would life look like if you permitted yourself to take that first step?
The Downshifting Movement
Aligning Life with Meaningful Goals. The Power of Simplicity
Have you ever stopped to wonder if life would feel better with a little less? That’s what the downshifting movement is all about. A lifestyle choice where people consciously step away from the relentless race to earn, spend, achieve and accumulate. Instead, they focus on what truly brings fulfilment: meaningful relationships, and personal growth leading to a life with more balance.
What Does Downshifting Mean?
Downshifting is about simplifying your life. It’s not necessarily about giving everything up and retreating to some remote location. It’s often more about making intentional changes, examples could include cutting back on working hours, reducing spending and overconsumption, or downsizing property. A shift in focusing away from material things in favour of moving towards the things that genuinely make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Downshifting could be compared to clearing out a cluttered loft. Once you remove the excess, you uncover the treasures that truly matter and create a peaceful space to enjoy them.
In recent years, my husband and I decided to downsize our family home. it wasn’t easy. For me, the house wasn’t just bricks and mortar, it felt like letting go of a long capsule of my life and held a special place in my heart. However, the transaction would provide my husband and I with increased resources to reach the following goals:
- be mortgage-free
- live by the coast
- travel more
Saying goodbye to my home and village was emotionally challenging, but I refocused my energy on our desired outcomes. Visualization helped transform my thoughts from looking back to excitement for the future.
The house we live in now is a fraction of the size of our old one and I’m pretty sure it would fit inside the old property three times over but; I love it!
I’ve found more time to enjoy life and focus on the aspects; I love working on in my business. OH and then there are the beach walks – whether it’s the warmth of summer or the chill of winter, those walks along the coastline are priceless.
Why Do People Choose to Downshift?
The reasons people downshift are personal, but most often it's about the desire to escape the relentless work-earn-spend cycle. Some people want a better work-life balance, some are motivated by environmental concerns, and others are simply searching for more time to enjoy life in the moment and in a more meaningful way. It’s about re-evaluating priorities and making room for what matters most.
In my case, downsizing my property has allowed me to focus more on professional and personal goals, in turn elevating my focus around what truly matters to me, my clients and my business.
After making the significant change of downsizing, letting go of my performance car, and switching to my now VW Golf felt like an easy decision. Noticeable in the pocket too! given the costs associated with keeping a new vehicle on the road as I had done for many years.
What’s the Impact on Well-being?
The benefits of downshifting can be life-changing. often leading to less stress, increased leisure time, improved health, and a sense of living in tune with your values. It can be incredibly liberating when you step off that relentless treadmill and wake up to the fact that you can thrive with less. It’s about trading the frantic pursuit of “more” for the calm satisfaction of “enough.”
What Does It Say About Society?
The downshifting movement challenges our cultural obsession with 'busyness' and overconsumption. It questions the idea that success is defined by how much we own or earn, by offering an alternative view: that authentic happiness can be found in connection, purpose, and sustainability. It could be considered as a quiet rebellion against the belief that constant economic growth is the ultimate goal.
What I find so inspiring about the downshifting movement is that it’s not about abandoning ambition—it’s more about redefining goals. By taking a step back and saying, “What really matters to me?” I have found that when we strip away the unnecessary noise, the simpler things in life are often the moments that bring the most joy.
Non-Career/Financial Goals as inspiration
To challenge the notion that goals must be tied to career or financial success, I feel it's important to explore examples of reaching goals that lie outside these domains. Below are some examples:
Health and Wellness
Improving diet and exercise routines:
Improving mental health and reducing stress.
Adventure
Physical challenges/activities or outdoor adventures, improving health and physical fitness
Travel and Exploration: of different cultures and visiting local areas to broaden perspectives
Relocating to another country: improving the quality of life
Personal Development
Learning new skills or hobbies, examples could include: martial arts, cooking, or gardening or even a qualification
Creative Pursuits: Activities: could include making music, art, or writing for personal expression and growth
Community and Contribution: Engaging in community service, volunteering, or participating in local initiatives to make a positive impact.
Financial
Downsizing property: increasing cashflow, permitting more freedom
Downgrading job level or sideways move: Reducing stress levels, thriving in another position
Family and Relationships
Strengthening family/friend bonds, dedicating time to building relationships
Why not take a look at Simon Squibs YouTube Channel The inspirational, successful founder of HelpBnk.com, is all about helping people. He often stops people on the streets to ask them about their dreams, then helps them go viral, offers business advice and invests a sum of money, under his #GiveWithoutTake movement. Ok, it's not about downshifting, more about business dreams but it is of great interest when it comes to life changes. I find the videos inspiring (and addictive) and; particularly love this one about John and James:
Simon has recently written a book What's Your Dream?: Find Your Passion. Love Your Work. Build a Richer Life. The funds of which are then re-invested into people's dreams – an absolute win-win situation!
Should You Keep Your Dreams to Yourself?
Should You Keep Your Goals Private (Derek Silvers + Drawbacks of Sharing)
Back in 2010, Derek Sivers gave a fascinating TED Talk – and in only 3; minutes he shared a surprising piece of advice: “Don’t share your goals with anyone. Not your friends, not your family, not your colleagues –no one”.
At first, it sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it? Surely telling others about your dreams and ambitions would help keep you accountable? But Derek backed his point with scientific studies that tell a different story (you can (listen to his presentation here).
He explained that when you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, your brain is tricked into a false sense of accomplishment. Psychologists call this phenomenon a “social reality.” Simply talking about your goal can make you feel as though you’ve already achieved it, which reduces your drive to do the hard work required to make it happen.
Derek’s point is clear: sharing your goals too soon can actually make you less likely to succeed. To me, it makes sense. When you’re working toward something big – whether it’s a career shift, a personal challenge, or a long-term dream – it takes much in the way of focus, resilience, energy, and persistence. Difficult enough without the added pressure of other people’s opinions, expectations, or doubts.
However, in my opinion, that’s not the only reason to keep your latest ambition to yourself. There are other reasons why keeping things quiet can help you stay on track. Here we look at 3 of them:
Talking about a Goal Can Deplete Your Stamina Stores
1) Sharing your goal too soon can drain your energy. Simply talking about a goal can give you a false sense of accomplishment, or worse, open you up to negativity. Instead of feeling encouraged, you might find yourself doubting your ability to succeed. Keeping your dreams to yourself, at least in the early stages, can help protect your focus and energy at least until you’ve built enough momentum (both yours and theirs)
Picture this scenario: you've found the courage and you have plans to go headlong into making a change. You feel quite excited about it, and then you share your goal with a certain someone, only to be met with negativity.
2) They might begin by pointing out reasons it might not work, even questioning your motives. Questions like will you find the time? Do you have the money? What makes you want to do this? What are you going to do if it doesn't work?
3) The excitement you feel gets replaced by self-doubt. That initial spark of motivation fizzles, and instead of feeling energised to move forward, you find yourself feeling flat. Just trying to justify your goals can actually drain your energy.
Oversharing Your Goals Can Hurt Your Credibility
If you are you the type of person who just can't help sharing your big dreams with friends and family? After all, there’s nothing wrong with being a visionary and wanting to share with your nearest and dearest, but be aware that if you’re constantly chasing new goals without seeing them through, it can start to damage your reputation.
When people notice a pattern of unfinished achievements, they could stop taking you seriously- a person whose ideas never quite materialise.
Before sharing your latest intentions, pause and reflect. Ask yourself: Could keeping it to myself help me stay focused and follow through? Are there any benefits to my sharing? There are times when silence is the key to building and achieving our dreams.
4 Drawbacks of Sharing Your Goals
Whilst sharing your goals can provide you with support and accountability, there are some pitfalls to be aware of. Here’s what to watch out for:
1) Feeling Accomplished Too Soon
Sharing your goals can sometimes trick your brain into feeling like you’ve already achieved them. Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer found that publicly declaring a goal can give you a psychological reward, a little rush of satisfaction. Surprisingly, he suggests that this can reduce your motivation to follow through. Similarly, when we get a pat on the back before the work is completed, we are less inclined to put in the remaining effort required to reach the finish line.
2) Recognition That Reduces Effort
When your goals are tied to your sense of identity, getting social recognition can feel like an accomplishment in itself. Caution! this can backfire. A study with law students showed that those who received acknowledgement for their ambitions spent less time working on the actual tasks to meet their overall goal than those who kept their goals private. With some individuals, the praise they receive can take the edge off their drive.
3) Dealing with Negative Feedback
Sharing your goals can open you up to criticism or negativity, which obviously can prove difficult to handle, especially when you’re facing vulnerability or uncertainty. Receiving unsolicited feedback, particularly from people who don’t understand you or your vision, can potentially knock your confidence and leave you questioning yourself and your abilities.
4) Accountability Issues
While accountability can act as a powerful motivator, it doesn’t always work as intended. Research shows that accountability is most effective when it comes from someone you trust. If you have an accountability partner who feels overly critical and lacks understanding it can have the opposite effect and drain your motivation. You might even find yourself disengaging from your goal.
On a personal level, I noticed the de-motivating impact of talking to others throughout my journey to quit smoking, I learnt that telling too many people about it often led to me feeling pressured instead of encouraged. As a consequence, the next time I tackled my smoking habit I chose to keep it to myself.
4 Benefits of Sharing Your Goals
1) Commitment and Improved Focus
Sharing your goals with someone who has achieved similar success or someone you respect and vice versa can make you more committed. Their feedback, empathy, encouragement, and perspective could sharpen your focus and motivate you to keep going, especially useful when things get tough.
2) Accountability
One of the biggest perks of sharing your goals is the sense of accountability it can create. Research from Dominican University found that people who regularly updated a friend on their progress were far more likely to succeed than those who kept their goals to themselves. For some people, the fact that they are accountable can be a powerful push to stay on track.
3) Support and Motivation Through Encouragement
Sharing your ambitions with someone non-judgmental can lead to valuable social support. Studies have shown that encouragement focused on your methods (known as "process praise") is far more motivating than praise focused on your personal traits. For example, someone saying, “I love how organised your approach is!” will drive you further than simply hearing, “You’re so clever!” Feedback can be constructive if you encounter setbacks along the way. Research by Ayelet Fishbach shows that beginners can benefit from positive feedback, reinforcing commitment and building momentum. For those taking their first steps, the encouragement received from others could make the difference in staying motivated and pushing forward.
4) Sharing on Social Media
Some people find that sharing their goals on social media helps create a sense of community and even accountability for them. Done only with trusted connections and with genuine intention and not for reasons of attention.
A practical tool to increase self-awareness
If you find yourself struggling to align your goals with your strengths or to overcome roadblocks, the insights from Everything DiSC® can feel transformative. By understanding how your innate behaviours can impact your actions. Your personalised DiSC report can help with adapting your approach towards achieving your goals.
Are You Journaling Your Dream?
You’re ready to get serious about your dream, but it feels overwhelming, and you’re not sure where to start. A great first step? Start journaling.
Here is the link to purchase a downloadable, straightforward journal designed to help you make changes personal to you.
Getting started with Journaling
Unsure how to start? Begin by writing about your dream. When did it first take root? Was it as a child stepping into a library, or is it something you’ve only just discovered? Journaling your dream gives it structure and vision. Divide your thoughts into two columns: one for benefits and one for what's at stake."
Make journaling Personal
Your journal is for your eyes only – grammar and punctuation don’t matter here. Let your imagination flow. Sketch, draw, or jot down frustrations alongside triumphs. Think of your journal as a safe space where you can dream, reflect, and grow. This is your safe space to let it all out – no rules, no judgment, just you and your thoughts
Find a journal that suits your personality – whether it’s a fancy leather-bound one or a simple notebook. It doesn’t matter; what matters is that you love it and feel inspired to use.
Use journaling to Build Momentum
Utilise your journal as a tool for breaking down your dream into smaller, actionable steps, ideally ones that you will enjoy. Use visualisation techniques in respect of how you will feel when you've reached your ultimate goal – excitement - fulfilment - peace. Then note down the smaller milestones that will bring you closer to that feeling. Turn your dream into a conversation with yourself as your own best friend: why not write letters starting with 'Dear Self' or Dear family. create affirmations to revisit when you need motivation.
Rewards
It's always motivating to set rewards for the smallest of actions, even if it's just making a point of meeting a friend for coffee or going to the cinema. Make the journey enjoyable and never overlook that the most exciting reward is waiting for you at your destination.
Sketch, draw note your frustrations and pain as you go along. When you have a good day, do not move forward without entering it in your journal and rewarding yourself. Do not be afraid to alter your small steps if they feel overwhelming.
Dreams without goals are simply just that, a dream.
Speaking Your Dream into Existence
Once you’ve captured your dream in your journal, speaking it into existence can strengthen your resolve. This is where mantras and affirmations come in – powerful phrases you repeat to yourself when you feel doubt creeping in. Examples:” I have everything I need to make today a success” “I am more than my circumstances dictate” ”I am free from financial burden”
Brainstorm your mantras. Repeat them as you are working towards your goal and when you’re tempted to give up and let your dream die.
When I first made the decision to enter adult education, I did find myself feeling anxious before each session. However, I found strength in positive affirmations and visualisation techniques. I’d remind myself, “I’ve achieved XYZ, so I’m ready and looking forward to this” “ I have been trained to teach others in the same way that others have, the world is filled with people who will benefit from what I am about to teach” All contributed to overcoming self-doubt and helping me to redirect my energies towards looking forward.
Never punish yourself for not meeting an action, just realign it.
How Everything DiSC® can Support Individual Goal Setting
By utilising your Everything DiSC® report you can set your goal journeys that not only align with your characteristics but also help you to identify where you might come across potential blind spots where people are concerned.
Understanding Your Natural Behavioural Style
Everything DiSC® unveils insights into your behavioural tendencies. Assisting you to better understand how you naturally approach challenges, tasks, and objectives. Helping you to set goals that feel achievable and inspiring per your style.
Some may thrive on ambitious, high-stakes goals (D styles) while others might prefer steady, incremental progress (S styles - myself) DiSC can help you tailor your goal actions to your motivational sweet spot.
Each DiSC® style is motivated by different factors.
D styles are often driven by results and therefore can thrive well when goals are action-oriented and measurable.
i styles tend to lean towards excitement and social interaction, so adding collaboration or recognition elements could make the difference.
S styles usually place a high value on consistency, preferring goals that prioritize stability and solid/paced progress over time.
C styles tend to be more detail-oriented and tend to thrive when working towards goals that allow for planning, precision, and analysis.
Anticipating and Overcoming Challenges
DiSC® helps identify behavioural tendencies that might create roadblocks.
D style might push too hard and risk burnout, requiring milestones to be reset. A solution could be to focus on achieving a major milestone first
An i style may lose focus and benefit from setting milestones with others to stay on track.
An S style may hesitate to take risks and finding encouragement helps step them out of their comfort zone. Breaking goals into smaller, consistent steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed could help matters here.
A C style might get stuck in under or over-analysis, requiring reinforcement that it's okay to take action even when things aren’t perfect.
Enhancing Collaboration and Support
Your individualized DiSC® report should not only help with individual goal setting but also help guide you to communicate your goals more effectively with others.
Sharing goals with someone whose DiSC® style is based in another quadrant to yours can be beneficial too e.g. an i style working with a C for structured planning can provide additional motivation.
Customising Your Action Plan
By leveraging the insights from DiSC®, you can create a more personalised action plan that aligns with your behavioural tendencies.
Conclusion
The Pros and Cons of Sharing Your Goals
Psychologists and behavioural experts have studied the effects of sharing goals versus keeping them private. Concluding that each approach has its benefits and challenges. By understanding these, it should help you identify what might work best for your journey. Here we explore both approaches and include insights from research.
Finding Balance in Goal-Setting
Whilst sharing goals can bring about accountability, encouragement, and collaboration, the idea of telling others comes with risks such as criticism or premature satisfaction. Keeping goals to yourself can help you focus and retain intrinsic motivation, on the flip side you may lack the support you might feel you need. The solution? A hybrid approach: share only with those you trust and you know will provide genuine support and focus on process-oriented feedback rather than the end goal. Consequently protecting your dreams from unnecessary judgment or pressure.
By appreciating your own behavioural tendencies, tapping into your intrinsic motivation, and then taking practical steps, you can start turning your dreams into meaningful goals.
If you're ready then take that first step and take advantage of this year-round, digital, interactive journal here Simply plan your goals, track monthly progress, and reflect on meaningful changes
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How DiSC Profiling Enhances Self Awareness
